Rachel (inugrlrayn) wrote in lovelusthonour,

Title: A Moment's Peace
Author: inugrlrayn
Rating: NC-17
Genre: angsty fluff
Pairing: RoyxEd
Warnings: smut, angst, character death
Count: 3,526 words (my longest one chapter fic ever!)
Notes: Only kinda betaed.

“Ed, you have a phone call,” Hawkeye called from the doorway. Ed sat sullenly in Roy’s office as the now General looked over his report.

“Thanks,” he got up to take the call and Roy cleared his throat.

“You can take the call in here,” he offered, gesturing at the phone beside him. Ed took the man up on his offer, the years since he’d left their world and once more returned mellowing his temper until he could generally tolerate his superior.

“Hello?” Roy half-listened at first, though he gave up when he realized the person on the other end was speaking far too quietly for him to catch what they were saying. It sounded like it might have been Winry, but really, could have been anyone at all.

Without warning, Ed dropped the phone, nearly hitting Roy’s hand as it clattered to the desk.

“Watch it,” Roy chastised, but held his tongue from any further comment when he looked up to see the stunned expression on his subordinate’s face. The younger alchemist trembled slightly and said nothing as he turned to leave.

“Edward?” Mustang questioned, though he got no response.

“Edward!” he tried again, but to no avail. Fullmetal just kept walking, and Roy had never seen him look so very shocked and broken. Finally tiring of being ignored, the General chased after Ed, grabbing a metal shoulder to turn him around.

“What’s the matter with you?” he demanded. Golden eyes looked through him, glassy and grieving.

“Answer me,” Roy nearly hissed.

“He…” Ed paused, not daring to speak.


“He’s…dead,” the blonde whispered, just barely audible even amidst the silence of the room. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes and he simply pulled away, heading for the door as quickly as he could without running. Roy let him go, stunned into inaction.


The rest of the day was eerily quiet. In light of their comrade’s pain, all banter seemed forgotten. Even Roy was busily signing papers, only glancing up long enough to check the time once or twice.

The moment the clock struck six, Mustang’s chair was empty and he was out the door. He had to make sure Ed didn’t do anything stupid.

As he walked towards the apartment Colonel Elric called home, the Flame alchemist mulled over what was to come. This wasn’t like the other times he’d dealt with an upset Edward. He couldn’t just tell him to grow up and move forward like with Nina. His subordinate didn’t have a goal like he had before, something so all consuming that he forced himself to get back up. Al WAS that all consuming thing and if he was dead, what was left for Ed to hang onto? Besides, Ed had grown up immensely, probably as much as he ever would. Gone was the quick tempered child who thought nothing of throwing tantrums over an imagined insult, who relied on his brother to keep him from destroying everything around him in a moment of anger, who never seemed to see the bigger picture until it was shoved in his face. No, Ed was all grown up now, but Roy still wondered if that would be enough.

He still hadn’t made up his mind exactly what to do about the whole situation by the time he reached the door of Ed’s apartment. The whole place was silent as a grave and Roy shivered a little at the thought. Taken in by fear that Ed might have done something incredibly rash, he knocked on the door, forgetting that he had no idea what he was doing from here on out.

There was no answer at the door, and that made him nervous. He knocked once more, but the hush that cradled the apartment remained.

“Edward? Are you in there?” Roy ventured, not really expecting any sort of response. A small sound caught his attention, a few strangled sniffles from the alchemist who probably hadn’t even noticed anyone was at his door.

Never stopping to consider, Roy turned the door handle and pushed the door to Ed’s apartment open.

Nothing seemed particularly out of place. The array Roy was terrified he might see was nowhere to be found. Even Ed had made himself scarce. Mustang stepped inside, squinting in the dim light. He could hear Ed’s crying more clearly now. It sounded as if it were coming from one of the bedrooms. He moved closer, seeing one of the doors was open.

“Ed?” he called out, not really wanting to surprise the grieving alchemist. Ed either hadn’t heard him or didn’t care though, and stayed where he was. Giving up on warning Fullmetal of his presence, Roy strode forward, coming to a stop in the doorway.

The room was neat, definitely not Ed’s. Roy could only assume it was the room Al stayed in when he was in town. Curled up in the middle of a still-made bed was Ed, face stained in tears, his cheek pressed against the pillows.

Any thought Roy might have had of telling Ed to pull himself together and just move on fled at the sight of his subordinate hurting so badly. He was nearly overcome with the urge to hush away the little alchemist’s hurts.

Instead, he plopped down heavily onto the mattress, landing inches from the knees Ed was holding in his arms.

He wished he could say something, anything to interrupt the sound of heart wrenching sobs and tears on the pillowcase. Unsure of what else to do, he laid a hand gently on Ed’s human shoulder, squeezing lightly.

“What do you want? I don’t need you here laughing at me,” Ed snapped between heartbroken whimpers.

“I’m not here to laugh at you, Ed. I came to make sure you were okay.”

“No, you moron. Of course I’m not okay. Al is… is…” Ed didn’t manage any more of a response before the pain was too much again. He tucked his face against the pillow instead, desperate to hide his current weakness from Roy.

It just seemed natural to Roy that his fingers would drift from Ed’s shoulder to his head, fingers skimming tenderly through golden hair that had mostly fallen from its braid.. This wasn’t the Ed he knew, the one who took losses as they came and just kept going. Then again, he’d just lost the very dearest thing to him, so honestly what else could he do but cry?

“What happened?” Roy asked softly, his hands moving over Ed’s back, urging him to sit up. Fullmetal did so and made a couple attempts at speaking, but the words were lost amidst hiccupping tears. Finally giving up, he tipped his face forward in his hands, having lost the safety of the pillows.

“Shh. Just calm down,” Roy beseeched. “This isn’t getting us anywhere.”

Ed didn’t stop crying though, and Mustang racked his brain, trying to remember what had pulled him from the depths of hell he’d made for himself so long ago.

The fires he’d rained down on Ishbal still burned brightly in his dreams, nightmares a sea of the faces of those suffering at his hand. It was all too much. He had to end it.

Then there were soft fingers, tender touches, and soothing words that caressed his very soul. Just knowing there was one person left in the world who gave a damn about him had been enough to pull him from the edge he teetered on.

Maybe, just maybe he could help Ed after all. It was a huge risk. After all, who knew how Ed might react. He’d most certainly hate Roy in the morning, but that was nothing new. Mustang decided he could be content with Ed believing he’d used him. Fullmetal would be angry with him and it would distract him from hurting over his brother. Besides, Ed needed some sort of relief from his grief or he was liable to shatter at this point. Refusing to consider the idea any longer, lest he change his mind, Roy gathered the younger alchemist into his arms.

“I…I…should…have been there,” Ed whispered through his tears.

“What happened?” Roy was only mildly surprised that the young man in his arms hadn’t pulled away.

“It was an experiment,” Ed sniffled, burying his face against Roy’s chest, not even seeming to care anymore who was holding him.

“There was an accident,” he murmured wearily.

“I’m sorry,” Roy replied honestly. He shifted further onto the bed, kicking off his shoes as he situated himself to lean against the headboard, Ed held halfway in his lap. The blonde shivered, chilled from exhaustion and the dark haired man did his best to pull the blankets from beneath them to cover his companion.

They both ended up beneath the blue cotton comforter and Ed nestled closer to Roy, tears soaking the General’s usually pristine uniform.

“I should have been there.”

“You had no way to know,” Roy retorted.

“I’m his brother. I should have been there,” the harsh sobs had died down to an occasional sniffle though the younger man’s tears still fell like rain.

“It’s not your fault, Ed. Don’t blame yourself,” he gently pulled the ponytail holder from Ed’s hair, fingers combing affectionately through the golden locks.

“I…Al was my whole life, Roy. There’s nothing left,” Ed whispered and Roy was caught between the relief that Ed was acknowledging who he was and that he’d called him by his first name. It didn’t matter right now though. All that he was concerned with was helping a comrade in arms, a….friend at that.

“Al isn’t the only one who cares about you, you know,” he tilted Ed’s face up from where it was pressed against his chest.

“There’s nothing left,” the younger man replied.

“Of course there is,” Roy’s heart thudded hard in his chest as he leaned a little closer.

“What? What’s left?” Ed probably meant to sound angry, but it came out tired and mournful instead.

Roy didn’t answer, pressing his lips softly to Fullmetal’s, shutting his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see that betrayed look he just knew was on the young man’s face.

To his surprise though, Ed didn’t hit him or push him away. He froze for a moment before letting his lips fall open just slightly, as if praying Roy wouldn’t change his mind.

When the Flame alchemist pulled back for a breath, there was no hate or malice in the golden eyes that peered up through blonde bangs at him. Just as Roy had hoped, he seemed to be somewhat distracted. Though the pain in his heart was still evident, at the moment he just looked incredibly confused. Apparently coming to some sort of decision, he tilted his face up towards Roy’s once more, holding onto the man for dear life.

“Don’t leave me alone right now,” Ed pleaded, his lips just a breath away from Roy’s.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Roy was astonished to find there was nothing he wanted more at the moment than to hold Ed and help him forget for a while, to grant him some sort of peace. He shoved the thought aside for the moment, unwilling to dwell on the possible meanings.

Forcing the truth away, he settled on telling himself he was just helping a subordinate, that he had some sort of ulterior motive. Those lies swimming through his mind, he captured Ed’s mouth once more, this time a bit more forcefully. His tongue snaked out, teasing velvety lips until they opened a bit more.

Ed sank into his touches, practically melting into Roy’s arms. Mustang scooted down from where he’d been resting against the headboard, easing the two of them down onto the mattress still tangled in each other’s arms. Ed still shuddered now and again, a few stray tears trickling from his eyes, but his grief was lost in sensation as Roy held him close, tender kisses trailing over his jaw and neck.

“What are you doing to me?” Ed asked idly, head tilted back, his eyes glazed and numb. There was no venom though, no hint that he had any aversion to what was going on.

“Is it helping?” Mustang asked, pausing in wait for an answer, lips hovering over the blonde’s collarbone. Ed nodded weakly in answer.

“Good enough for me,” Roy murmured, fingers finding their way down his spine to the hem of the nightshirt he wore.

Ed didn’t even flinch when Roy pulled the fabric from his body, only holding the older man closer, tugging the comforter tighter around them both for solace. The Flame alchemist smiled slightly, hands dancing lightly over the slender body in his arms. Taut muscles quivered at his touch and Ed let out a hollow sigh the older man couldn’t quite read.

Roy’s hands skated down Ed’s sides, nails skittering along the waistline of his boxers. Ed froze, looking very much like a deer in the headlights, every muscle humming nervously.

“It’s okay,” Roy soothed, the heel of his hand brushing up and down Ed’s hip. The blonde still trembled a little, pain discarded for nervousness and need to be held, to be close to someone.

With one last tender kiss, Roy was slipping down Ed’s body.

“S..stop,” Ed begged when Roy’s tongue had reached the top of his stomach, his voice small and nearly lost amidst labored breathing and the heavy comforter his head was currently nestled against.

“Whatever you want,” Roy did his best to hide the disappointment he refused to acknowledge he was feeling. He had no right anyway. This was for Ed, not him. A few seconds later found him back up beside Ed once more, holding the smaller man close to him.

“I didn’t mean…” Ed stopped, not quite sure how to express what he wanted to say. Frustrated, he kissed Roy, tugging at the uniform the older man still wore.

Finally it sunk in. Ignoring the plaintiff whimper from Ed, Roy pulled away and set to work removing his uniform.

He made short work of the garments and within moments, he was back in bed, under the comforter, no more clothed than Edward. The younger alchemist gasped at the closeness, shifting nervously when Roy’s fingers found their way back down the waistband of his shorts, tugging them down with little warning.

Roy swallowed any protest Ed might have voiced, fingertips teasing the smaller alchemist’s length. Ed groaned into the General’s mouth, blissfully drunk on lust and sensation. His hips rocked forward into Roy’s hand.

Roy finally relinquished his claim on Ed’s lips, if only to explore the rest of Fullmetal’s body, tongue and teeth teasing every smooth expanse of flesh along the way. With fingers and lips, he mapped every scar, every hurt that had left a mark for the world to see, and imagined all the ones that hid in the shadows of a young man’s heart. He ached to erase those hurts if only he could.

Failing any permanent relief, Roy did the next best thing, overloading Ed’s senses with something preferable to the empty piece of his heart. Without a thought in the matter, he dipped his head down, sucking Ed just barely into his mouth. The blonde nearly jumped off the bed, arching into the wetness that enveloped him. He panted slightly as Roy bobbed his head, finding a comfortable rhythm.

Short fingernails scratched through Roy’s hair as he pulled Ed deeper into his mouth. Ed clenched his hands and released his hold just as quickly, trembling as Mustang sucked harder, moved faster. Then he was coming, buried to the hilt between Roy’s lips.

Ed closed his eyes and relaxed, spent for the moment. He was mostly dead to the world, though not so much he didn’t notice Roy slip off the bed and out of the room. He whined softly, mourning the loss of closeness.

Roy wiped the last dribbles of cum from his lips on the back of his hand. He padded softly to the kitchen, shivering slightly at the cold that permeated Ed’s apartment. He couldn’t wait to get back under the covers with the other alchemist, but not until he found what he was looking for.

Rummaging quietly as possible through cabinets, he finally found a vial of oil and pulled it from the shelf. Bottle in hand, he headed back to the bedroom to find Ed once more curled up in the middle of the bed.

“Are you alright?” Roy asked worriedly.

“I…,” Ed whimpered, looking totally lost.

“I’m here now,” Roy whispered, slipping back beneath the covers. No sooner had he settled onto the bed than Ed was attached to him once more, legs laced through his, automail arm coiled desperately around his torso.

“I’m not going anywhere right now,” Roy cooed. His only answer was a shy kiss which Roy wholeheartedly returned. After all, given the circumstances, it was hard not to push, to want some sort of relief for his efforts. Ed hardly seemed to mind, relaxing little by little beneath Roy’s gentle touches.

Mustang dropped a few light kisses behind Ed’s ear, eliciting a pleasured gasp. The blonde pressed completely against him, his once again stirring erection pressing against Roy’s boxer clad hip. The smaller man rocked against him, blushing crimson when he realized what he was doing.

“Uhhh,” he started, grasping for some good explanation. Roy hushed him with a kiss, one hand snaking down between them while the other worked the cap off the bottle of oil.

He succeeded in both counts, drawing a low moan from Ed, who didn’t even notice the oil slicked fingers that feathered along the inside of his thighs.

He most certainly did notice when Roy brushed a single finger along the crease of his ass, pressing lightly against puckered flesh. Ed gasped in surprise, but made no move to stop the older man, holding his breath against the pain he was expecting. There was none though, just a strange, full feeling, the initial sting whisked away by a hand on his length and lips pressed against his mouth.

Whatever else Roy did was somewhat of a blur to him, only remembering that he’d found something inside him that made his head practically explode.

Ed whimpered a little when Roy pulled his fingers away, only to suck his breath back in when they were replaced with something else.

It was the most comforting feeling Ed could have asked for. Even if it was simply an illusion, he swore he felt loved. Roy was inside him. Roy’s arms held him close. He was drowning in the older man’s gentle kisses. The two stayed like that for a long moment.

Then Roy moved. The feeling was electric and Ed barely stifled a low cry, his head thumping back against the pillow. He was hitting that spot, over and over and Ed knew he wouldn’t last.

Desperately, Ed tried to gain some control, to slow down the pace, but it was out of his hands and he was mostly glad for that. No guilt over what he couldn’t control, right?

Roy was thrusting faster into him now and his whole body hummed with pleasure, dangling just over the edge of oblivion. The older alchemist reached between them, oil covered fingers stroking his length.

It was all it took, and Ed was cumming, crying out something incoherent. Every muscle tensed and he dragged Roy right along with him, barely noticing the warm liquid that spilled deep within him.

God, Ed was going to hate him in the morning. He hadn’t really meant it to go that way, but it had and he’d just have to deal with the consequences as they came. On the bright side, he seemed to have exhausted the little alchemist beyond even the strength to push him away as he cradled the slender body in his arms.

Edward Elric, in that moment, was the most precious thing Roy had ever gotten close to. For once, he had something he could be content with. It really was too bad that Ed would hate him when he was coherent again.

As it was, Fullmetal was curled up against him, head nestled beneath his chin. The worry lines and tears that had marred his face had all but disappeared in sleep and he seemed to have found a moment’s peace.

“I hope that someday you can forgive me,” Roy murmured, slipping from Ed’s grasp ever so carefully so as not to wake the other man.

“I only wanted to help you.”

He pulled on his clothes, and without another word, Roy was out the door. He prayed to forget what had happened back there, but knew he didn’t deserve the comfort of actually believing he was innocent of something.

Ed stared at the bedroom doorway as Roy left. He wished the Flame alchemist would come back, stay just a little longer, but he didn’t expect it and wasn’t surprised to hear the front door shut.

“You don’t need to hope I’ll forgive you,” he muttered, wrapping the blankets around him, reveling in Roy’s scent still lingering on the sheets, “I already have.”

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